


Breathe Again

by Ohlittlelovely



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben is dating Bazine, Ben thinks Rey is dating Poe, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Friends to Lovers, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, Love Confessions, Miscommunication, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rey (Star Wars) is a Mess, Rey is Scared of commitment, Reylo - Freeform, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, reylo au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2020-09-30 18:11:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20451395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohlittlelovely/pseuds/Ohlittlelovely
Summary: Ben Solo told Rey he loved her one year ago. Rey ran away even though she loves him too. Now Rey is back in town, still in love Ben. But is Ben still in love with her?orRey and Ben are in love but are too dumb to communicate their feelings, both parties feel rejected. Ben is trying to move on with Bazine and Rey is trying to move on period. Don't worry though these fools might be destined to be together.





	1. Almost Lover

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone this is my first post in a long time, I hope you enjoy~

It was supposed to be a simple celebration - nothing too big, as it was a slow Thursday night at the Cantina. It was one of her first nights back home after being gone for almost a year, but of course, Poe had to go and open his big mouth as usual. They were only on their first round of drinks when he dropped the news into her lap.

“Rey!! Did you Rose tell you yet? Ben is gonna get married!” Poe broadcasted loudly as he slapped his hand onto her shoulder, “I mean, it’s nothing official yet - but Ben told me he went to go see Leia the other day, just out of nowhere. Out of the fucking blue! I have deduced this can only mean he went for Padme’s ring, right!? I bet you’ll be the best man.” He let out a boisterous laugh. “Anyways he met her at work, name’s Bazine...” The sound of his voice faded, blood rushing in her ears.

The back of her neck felt hot suddenly, and the world felt like it was closing in around her. She could see Poe talking, but the words he was saying had become drowned out by the heartbeat in her ears. She didn't know why she was so upset - it was to be expected. Of course Ben would be with someone. Her vision started to blur ever so slightly before she started to blink the unshed tears away. She could feel Rose’s eyes on her as she chugged the drink in front of her, reaching for one of the shots from the next round that Hux had already purchased for them.

“Bazine, you say?” she replies stiffly to Poe, forcing her body to swallow the bile rising in her throat with the shot of tequila. She tried to not focus on the speculation the group had started on Ben’s possible proposal. 

Finn smiles, laughing, “I’m surprised Solo could even find a girl to talk to him, let alone like him with all that brooding and attitude.” He pulls Rose into him, laughing at their friends personality, and kisses her temple. 

Rey looks at the couple with both love and jealousy before she lifts her hand to the bartender, a silent request for another shot of the cheap tequila in her glass. The shots don’t stop, and she keeps drinking shot after shot for the first half hour, like she is trying to drown out the thought of Ben and Bazine. Gods, even their names sounded perfect together, she uses each shot to push the thoughts deeper and deeper down. Four shots later and her head is in the toilet while Rose holds her hair back, rubbing small circles in between her shoulders. Flashes of Ben holding the dark haired beauty the group had described over the past twenty minutes run rampant in her head. Another surge cuts through the tears, taking the image of them together down the toilet as Rose whispers “Let it out,” and, “I know babe.” 

Rey isn’t sure exactly how she ended up in her bed, but she wakes up with her head pounding, and her throat dry. Every thought in her head seems to be filled with the name Bazine. She pads her way down the hallway to the kitchen - in desperate need of coffee. Her phone vibrates with a text on the counter next to her as she pours herself a cup. She swears it sounds like her name again - baaaa-zzzzinnne. She reaches for it swiftly - if only to change her vibration pattern to avoid ever hearing that specific noise ever again. The message on the screen is what catches her eyes, though. It’s from Ben, his icon a picture from what felt like so long ago. She had snapped the shot at his birthday last November - him, smiling at something or someone just to the left of the border of the photo. She stares at the photo too long before turning her attention to the message he had sent.

She reads the question over and over, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach and the aching in her chest - she is, was, his best friend, after all. He will probably tell her all about Bazine over dinner - but then again, dinner is nothing special. Everyone has to eat. She sends a thumb up emoji and asks what time.

She walks up to his apartment a quarter to six that night, and she once again has to remind herself it's just dinner - dinner with Ben. It is absolutely nothing special. It's a mantra she has to repeat to herself over and over again. He opens the door, and she is encircled by the smell of him. His cologne tickles her nostrils in a way that makes her feel at home for the first time in the year she has been gone.

“Hi,” it comes out a high pitched whisper, her eyes grazing over his face, making note of every mole on his face.  
“Hi,” his smile spreads across his face as her eyes finally meet his. Everything floods back, the reason she left all those months ago, the kiss, and him.. He’s standing in front of her - perfect as usual. He pulls her into his warm embrace.

“I missed you,” he murmurs into her hair. 

She can't do this. She pushes through his apartment, excusing herself to the bathroom, taking a minute to calm herself. She sees bobby pins laying across the sink as she splashes cool water on the back of her neck. It’s a terrible reminder that Ben isn't hers - he never was. She fights the urge to steal the bobby pins, to put them in her hair. They are going to eat dinner and talk about his new life, about the girl he loves, and she can’t help but wonder if Bazine reminds him of herself. If she has all her features rearranged with none of the flaws. Like the newest house of a development, with fresh paint and wooden floors. Rearranged furniture, settled firmly in his home. 

So, when they end up talking for hours over the spaghetti he knows she loves, of her travels and the life he had been living without her, it is unsurprising. This, this is the life she was too scared to ask for, a life she knows she might have run away from. He doesn’t ask why he wasn’t invited out with the group last night, and she doesn’t offer an explanation. She avoids asking about Padme's ring, or anything about the marriage subject really, trying to keep the pain minimal. She tries to steer the conversation to his family and job, avoiding Bazine as best she can. Rey was in love with him, after all. It’s only when he finally is able to pull up photos of himself and Bazine together that there's an ice bath over their once warm conversation, but he doesn't make a comment on the abrupt shift in her. She forces herself to look at the other girl, even though her eyes keep deviating to Ben. She feigns a small yawn before checking her phone to see the time - already knowing she has given herself too much of Ben. It’s 9 pm on a Friday night. 

“It’s already 9? Oh, I have an interview first thing in the morning, I have to go,” she speaks the lie out too easily. He’s always known her too well, and he has to know she’s lying, but he doesn’t call her on it, instead gives her a strange look. It's almost studious.

He walked her to the door and kissed her forehead. “I-“ he takes the briefest of pauses, “I can’t wait for you to meet her,” his voice says finally. It’s soft and low and rumbles in her chest, and her stomach twisted into a hundred knots again. She wills herself not to cry as she says goodbye, or as she makes her way to the car. Only when she knows she is far away enough from his sight does she let herself cry in her car - and cry she does. Tears pour from her body almost the whole way home. She thinks about calling him and telling him everything - How she loved him all those months ago when she left, how she left because she was scared. How when he kissed her she didn't want to pull away.

She reaches for her phone when she parks her car, thumb hovering over his icon. What would she even say? “I love you in every way you can imagine,” or “I think of you more often than I don’t, you are a part of every fiber of my being.” Would she confess to him how her soul speaks only for him, and how when she falls asleep she imagines that he is there right by her side? She shoves her phone roughly into her pocket, and makes her way into the home she shares with Finn and Rose. 

“Hey, sunshine. How did everything go?” Rose asks almost timidly, looking up to Rey from her spot on the couch. Rose has never been one to shy away from topics, but when it comes to Rey and Ben, she always seemed to approach with a certain level of caution. Rose is the only one among their friends that knows everything. About the kiss, her feelings for Ben, and why she left. Rey can’t hold back her tears as she flops her body down next to her friend, laying her head down on Rose’s soft lap - sobbing for the second time in the span of twenty minutes - all while Rose runs her hands soothingly through her hair making soft shushing noises.

“H-he LOVES her, and he-he-he.” She forces herself to take a deep breath “ Poe. Poe said he is going to marry her, and he will never know that I-I love him too, a-a-and that I was just scared! ” Rose just held her as her tears fell and sobs racked her body.

“Babe, you can’t keep holding this in. Do you think maybe you should tell him?” Rose whispers softly, still holding on to her tightly. “You can't keep running away. You have to let go..”

“You sound like Ben.. It’s just, I don’t know... I can’t. H-he wants to be with her a-and just, I’m too late..” She knows she’s babbling all this, and just sighs as she pulls her head up and away from the comfort of her friends lap, “ I think I’m going to go to my room and watch something on Netflix… I love you, Rose. Thank you for being here for me.. Sorry for snotting on you.” 

Rose grabs a hold of her hand, “Don’t ever apologize for feeling. I love you, too.” Rose gives her hand a gentle squeeze, “Please think about what I said. You can't keep holding on to this pain.” 

Rey makes her way down the hall, making a pit stop in the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine before slipping into her room. She peels off her clothes that smell like him, and pulls on his old sweater she stole when she was 18. She lays there drinking her wine with the sound of Queer Eye filling her room, willing herself to focus on anything but the image of them together. Somehow it keeps finding its way into her head, and in response she drinks more of the fruity bubbling wine. 

She realizes that night the only thing worse than thinking about Ben and Bazine together is imagining what could be if Ben were next to her. Picturing his hands on her hips, chests pressed up against each other. Day dreaming of his lips kissing softly across her neck. She closes her eyes, trying to imagine it was Ben’s hands there feeling her body. She moves her hands to her breasts, and cups them slightly before giving one of her nipples a slight tug, biting her lip to stifle the moan. Rey pictures Ben, there next to her, feeling everything she is doing to herself. Rey relaxes, letting herself think of the man that has left the ache in her lower belly as she lets her hands travel down her body, allowing herself to enjoy the pleasure she wanted to feel first hand.

She lets the thought of them happy and together fill her head, before it fades away, because even in her thoughts, she gets up and leaves. She curses herself, knowing how unrealistic it all is. She reaches for her phone, checking the time - 10:48 pm flashes too bright in her face. Feeling brave, drunk, or maybe - and most likely - stupid, she opens her phone and presses on Ben’s icon, and types out a simple message, body buzzing, before turning off her phone and willing her body to sleep.


	2. Mixed Signals

She wakes up early the next morning, not quite as hungover as the morning before, but still feeling heavy everywhere in her body from head to toe. She stands up and decides today is the day to work through some of her own heartbreak and anger. No more running away -well maybe she can run a little longer. She ignores the nagging in her gut that she should turn her phone on and face her actions head on, but opts instead to taking the morning for herself. She decides against turning her phone back on, rather choosing to head out for coffee in an attempt to wash away the fog from the night before. 

In an effort to further hide away from the world and work on herself, Rey goes to the gym. In the gym she feels safe. On a regular day routine, at least when it came to the gym. She would go at least three times a week; stretch, cardio, weights, stretch again. It takes up about an hour and a half of time, but it’s how she is able to relieve her stress.

But that morning she decides push herself extra hard in the cardio department, foregoing her weights and later stretches. She decides her best course of action is working her body to point of nausea and exhaustion, because, let’s be honest, she had to find another way to cope other than falling into a bottle every single night. She opts for the punching bag and jump rope for her cardio that day, imagining the bag to be all of the decisions she has come to regret. When she can no longer push her body, she allows herself the reprieve of a shower, sipping from her water bottle to avoid upsetting her stomach further. 

She makes her way through the locker room, grabbing her towel before heading to the showers. She turns the handle on as hot as it will go, knowing the feeling of the hot water traveling down her body against her muscles will be euphoric. She steps into the steam and sighs as the heat pounds down her back, and she relaxes against the stream. She lets her mind wander - and of course it moves to Ben, and following behind him is Bazine. 

“Fuck,” she murmurs to herself. Why can’t she escape them? After washing away all the grime and sweat, she steps out of the shower, trying to mentally prepare herself to face the day. Toweling off her body she remembers that her phone has been off for a while now. She has to at least check the time. She tugs on her shirt and shorts before pulling her hair up into a bun. When she turns on her phone to check the time her phone is suddenly flooded with message after message, and two missed calls from Rose.

She goes through Rose’s first, and they ask where she was, why her phone was off and if she was okay. It seems that most of the messages are actually from Rose, being her worried best friend. She replies quickly that she is in fact alright, and that she was on her way home. She opens the messages from Ben, and her heart drops to her stomach.

Ben: What are you talking about? What night?  
Ben: Are you drunk?  
Ben: Rey??

He forgot. He forgot her, of course he did. She was nothing. His words had meant nothing that night, or at least… They meant nothing now. She felt a wave of nausea roll through her body, and she has to fight the urge to bend over and vomit. She can fix this, she can save this. She can… do something. Her thoughts go through a thousand ways to solve this problem, but decides her best course of action is to pretend she sent it to the wrong number. Play dumb, play up the drunk. 

-Omg, Ben I am so sorry! I just saw this! That wasn't meant for you lol  
Didn't mean to worry you

She tells herself the messages appear casual, that maybe she could have intended the text for someone else, anyone else. A past lover perhaps? She throws her phone into her bag, ignoring the pain in her heart and the tears filling her eyes. If Ben Solo didn’t remember her, she sure as hell was going to forget him.

She can admit when she is angry, and right now she is angry - and anger has never been an emotion she was good at controlling. When Rey gets angry she lashes out, she aims to hurt people, she wants others to feel her pain. FUCK BEN SOLO, she thought to herself. He wanted to be cruel, she can be cruel.

Her phone vibrates in her bag after she collects herself, two buzzes - a text message. She opens her phone, and it's Rose.

Rose: Ben is here looking for you  
She types out a quick message to Rose. Rey needed time to think. -Tell him I’m on a date, or something.  
I’ll be at Maz’s

She feels a pang of guilt lying to Rose, but it had to be done, she’ll explain everything to her later. She turns her phone to silent, Ben Solo could not know how she felt. He couldn’t find out the messages were actually meant for him. She heads to her favorite cafe, and she needs a plan. She sits there, unsure of what she could actually do to hurt him. If he doesn’t care about her, what could be done? She calls Poe and asks him to meet her at Maz’s, and he tells her he’ll be there in ten minutes. Poe was always a man with a plan, and he knew how to be vindictive. She could tell him the basics of the story. No real details - and ask him what he would do in her place. 

Poe arrives in less than ten minutes that he had told her he would be. Grabbing a cup from the counter, he sat down across from her, pouring himself a cup from the carafe she had purchased. 

“Oh Sunshine, you look so dark and moody. Don’t go and make me have to change your nickname,” he laughs, “So, what’s up?”

She takes a deep breath, trying to decide the best way to phrase her problem, and she looks down at her cup - taking a brief moment to collect her thoughts. When she looks up to finally face him, her eyes are drawn to the looming figure across the cafe. Ben.

His eyes meet hers, he looks between her and Poe. Was that jealousy she saw in his eyes? No, it couldn't be. His jaw was set like he was biting back the words from between his teeth. Oh, he was definitely upset. Poe followed Rey’s eyes to where Ben stood immediately to his left, despite her earlier thoughts, she didn’t feel that anger anymore. 

She just felt sad, like maybe she didn’t want to hurt Ben after all.

No, she knows for a fact that she does want to want to hurt Ben, but this was her fault after all. She was the one who ran. She alone started this mess.

“Hey buddy! Wanna join us?” Poe offered with a charismatic smile.

She watched, dumbfounded, letting the scene unfold, Ben’s body visibly stiffened. His eyes narrowed at Poe and flicked over to her, betrayal evident in his expression. 

“So, this was the date you're on...I didn't know you were seeing each other,” Ben’s voice came out tense.

She watched as Poe’s face scrunched slightly with confusion, before looking at her. She’s not sure what her face must be saying, or what her eyes are begging him to do - perhaps he just likes the idea of fucking with Ben - but he nods his head. 

“It’s, uh, new,” another smile radiating on his face. She let out the breath she didn't know she had been holding. Ben’s eyes meet hers again, a brief connection that makes her body tingle before he turns his attention back to Poe.

“No thanks. Just came to pick up some bagels and coffee for Baz and I.”

“Baz, like, eats carbs?” Poe questions in jest. Rey shifts uncomfortably in her chair at the mention of her name, looking out the window to her left and waiting for the conversation taking place in front of her to end. Ben remains quiet, not answering Poe.

“Well, I’m going to get out of here… It was nice seeing you,” Ben announced, and his voice was tight.

She could hear the dishonesty in his voice, she knows it was nice to see them. She turns her attention back to Ben, catching him turning on heel to head towards the cashier’s line, his shoulders look stiff, and his back is tense.

“You want to tell me what the fuck that was about?” He leans his body in towards her, keeping his voice low, to any onlooker it might even look intimate . “Ben looked like he wanted to murder me, what did you do to him?”

She laughs, a little too loudly, catching the attention of a few people around her. It feels like a sigh of relief. Taking another sip of coffee, she starts with the night she decided to leave, all the way up to last night and the drunken text that had brought her here. There are few times her eyes flick over to the line, meeting his heated gaze. She watches as he exits the cafe, trying her best to concentrate on the man in front of her.

“So, lets see… this situation started like two years ago? I think. I remember it being cold, we were at a bar, and Ben was outside taking a smoke. I walked up and he turned to look at me. God’s, he was so beautiful, then he smiled at me.”

A sigh pulls her away from her thoughts, “Let me guess - you finally realized you were in love with the guy.” Poe said.

“Yup, like a fucking idiot,” she groans before taking another sip of the coffee, eyes glancing over the edge of the counter where Ben is standing, waiting for his order to leave.

“So,” Poe urges her to continue, “what happened next?”

“Um so.” She looks up as if to access the memory in a rolodex of past events “Okay, we were watching the season finale of the Bachelor, you know how much I love that garbage. But Ben wasn't focusing on it, he kept looking at me, and the next thing I know he's telling me he needs to tell me something, and he confesses feelings for me!” 

She can see Poe struggling not to say anything, allowing her to continue the story, “So, what do I do? I FUCKING RUN AWAY. Why, you might ask, I have no clue. I just got up and left. I was so scared that we would, I don't know maybe work for a little bit and then h-he’d leave. So, I-I just, I had to. I-”

“So you left first?” he supplied.

“Yes,” she sighs, “and because I’m me, by the time I gathered myself it was too late. I had to stay away. Going back would just be salt in the wound I left behind. So I traveled for the year, as you know. And he texted me yesterday morning, and I was still hungover from the Cantina, to invite me over for dinner.. So I went, and it felt like old times, minus the fucking cloud of Ba-bazine looming over me-”

“Did he bring up marrying her? I have a-” Poe cuts off her train of thought.

“No, Poe. He did not, and I wasn’t going to ask.” she snaps, “Now focus.”

“So I leave, go home, cry. Obviously, since I missed my chance with the love of my life and get a tad bit inebriated, to the point ThatITextBenToTellHimIShouldHaveNeverLeft.”

Her cheeks feel wet, was she crying? She touches her face, yup those are tears. Poe hands her a napkin from the dispenser, l letting her take a moment to compose herself.

“So, anyways, I get a text this morning and Ben asks me what I’m talking about. And I got so mad, I told him it was for someone else, and told Rose to tell him I’m on a date. Then I called you so you could help me get revenge. Because he forgot about me, and I want to hurt him, but it sounds so dumb to say out loud. But that's when he walked in, looking perfect and beautiful, and I hate myself because all I wanted to do was kiss his stupid face.” 

Poe let out an impressed whistle when her tale came to an end. “So, let me get the end of this straight. You called me to help you plan some sort of revenge on Ben, but instead got the actual fake date you told Rose you were on, and made Ben THE. Most. Jealous. man I have ever seen?” 

“Fuck Ben Solo and fuck his possessiveness,” there is less venom in her voice than she would like. She can’t hate him, she knows she can’t - but she’d try. 

“Yeah, no. You’ve made that made that clear,” he gives her mischievous smile, “you want to fuck Ben Solo.”

She knows she's blushing, she can feel the heat spreading across her chest and face. She shakes her head, willing the visual of them together to remove itself from her head. She stares at Poe, unable to even to think of a reply. No use lying, he had heard the whole story.

“Poe, I don’t know what I am going to do.” she whines.

“Well, fake dating me is not your answer,” he states, obviously amused by her situation, “I don’t know what to tell you, Sunshine.”

“Yeah, I know.” She knew it was a bad idea the moment she had seen his face, no matter how mad she was. She never wanted to see that betrayed look on his face again.


	3. To Be Alone

Ben has always been an emotional person. There is no use lying about it, it’s a simple fact - but he would be lying if he said he had never been angrier than when he saw Rey with Poe. His vision was red. When he had gotten the text the night before, he had thought she meant she had maybe loved him too.

He remembers that night like it was yesterday. They were sitting on his couch watching some dumb tv show she loved, The Bachelor or something like that, drinking wine and just talking. He remembers looking at her and thinking just how beautiful she was, that it was finally time to tell her how he felt, feels... 

~“Rey,” he fought the fear he felt in that moment, “I need to tell you something.”

She turned her body towards him, giving him her full attention. He stared at her, maybe a bit too long, before taking in a breath. She was smiling at him, though he could see the confusion in her eyes.

“What’s up, Ben?” her voice sounded like honey, it always did.

He was beyond nervous, his entire body felt tense. She had been his best friend for the past five years, but he wanted more. He thought maybe she had, too.

“Rey. I think you are the most beautiful person I have ever met.” he declared, she blinked at him, opening her mouth to speak, “no please, Rey, let me finish. I really like you, and I feel like we have a connection. Like maybe we are meant to be more than just friends. Do you feel it, please tell me you feel it too.”

Rey sat there in front of him, her eyes filled with tears. What had he said that made her cry? 

“Ben, I- I can’t. I have to go.” He sat there stunned, watching as she gathered her things and walked out of his life. It wasn’t until she was gone that he had finally processed the whole ordeal. ~

She had left him, closed the door and ran away. He didn’t realize at the time that she didn’t just leave him, he had left them all behind. How could he have known that those would be his last words to her for almost a year?

Maybe he should have never invited her to dinner. She had obviously planned to ignore him when she didn’t invite him out to the Cantina. But he couldn’t help himself, he had to see her. He noticed her shift when he mentioned Baz, and did his best to avoid the topic until she brought up hiking. He had photos of himself hiking, and pulled them up as proof of his adventure in the outdoors. They are pictures of himself and Bazine, smiling at the top of a cliff. 

He is pretty positive she lied to him when she says she has an interview in the morning after checking the time on her phone. He walked her to the door and kissed her on the forehead, settling for the target practice. He almost tells her as she leaves that he loves her - it almost slipped out of him, but instead he let her know the other truth. He had missed her.

She walked out the door, and his heart broke ever so slightly. 

When Bazine called around 9:30 that night, as usual, he is short with her and he knew it. His heart felt like it had just been ripped out of his chest yet again, and a part of him knew Bazine could hear the unshed tears in his voice. 

“Let me guess, Rey?” she sounded exasperated, “Why do you do this to yourself? I still don’t understand why you even invited her over.”

He sighed, “Baz. She just moved back after a year. She was my best friend. I just wanted to catch up.”

“Was being the key word,” he heard her mumble. He let the comment go, he decided it wasn't worth the fight.

He forced a yawn out of his body, “I’m gonna get going, we still on for tomorrow?”

He ignored the annoyance in her voice, “Yeah Ben. Whatever you want. See you in the morning”

His next morning; however, would be completely derailed by Rey, all because the night before he received a text that felt like hope. She said she felt it too, mirroring his question to her the night she had left. He replied immediately, trying to confirm that she was indeed speaking of that night. But there was no reply. He tries again, maybe she was drunk and fell asleep. No reply. He hoped she was okay. Rey. He falls asleep and dreams of her, he knows it's wrong. 

He’s with Bazine, but despite the rumors he knows Poe is spreading, they are not a forever thing. They were both hurt people who were trying to move on. 

It's only the next morning that he feels shattered, like the night she had left. His heart is being ripped out of his chest. She replies finally, saying the message was not for him, but for some forgotten lover. He shouldn’t be jealous, he knows that. He supposes he has moved on after all, but he can't ignore the anguish in his heart. So he goes to find her..

He taps out a quick apology text to Bazine, asking if they can do lunch instead before driving to Rose and Finn’s place. It past 10am, so he hopes he doesn’t wake them as he knocks on the door. Rose opens the door, and he looks down at her. 

“Is Rey here? I have to talk to her.” He knows he sounds desperate. He can see on her face the questions she must have for him.

“She’s not here, let me text her. Come on in.” She leads him to the living room where he sits on her couch, feeling far too large. He watches her type out the message and they wait together. Not two minutes later her phone buzzes. 

Rose sounds confused, “She said she’s on a date? At Maz’s? Maybe she met someone at the gym?”

Or maybe it's someone from before she left, he thinks spitefully to himself.

“Thanks, Rose. Will you tell her to get in contact with me when you see her?” He impresses himself with how calm he sounds, even though everything inside of him is screaming. He walks out the door of the home, thanking Rose for her help, before getting in his car and driving to Maz’s. 

He walks in the cafe, and he swears he sees red. Every muscle in his body tightens, and he has an ungodly urge to punch Poe, who seems more than pleased with himself. This is her date, this is who the texts were probably for, Poe Dameron. He notices right away that she is avoiding his gaze . He makes some dumb excuse about Bazine and goes to the counter.

He hears Rey laugh, and it feels like time has stopped and there is ice running through his veins. He wants to be the one to make her laugh that way, loud and carefree. He gets his order and leaves as fast as his feet will carry his mountainous frame. He realizes he's crying when he gets into his car - hot, angry tears.

Ben drives to Bazine as promised, walking up to her door with bagels and coffee in hand, trying his damndest to compose himself. He rings her bell and waits.

She opens the door and she looks sullen, “Ben, what do you want?” 

He lifts the coffee and to-go bag up as a peace offering, “I brought these for you.”

“I don’t want those. I want a boyfriend that isn’t so obviously in love with someone else.”

He stays silent, willing himself not to think of Rey. He looked at her, and he must look guilty because she has this look on her face like someone had slapped her. She sighed, reaching her hand out to touch his face.

“This is the part where you are supposed to deny loving her, Ben.” She’s crying now, and still he can’t find it in him to deny his love for Rey. He can only put his arms around Bazine, who leans her body into the awkward hug.

He leaves the food and coffee with Bazine, his ex-girlfriend. It was strange for him to think about her that way, as an ex. He was strangely saddened by the whole ordeal, though he wonders if Bazine was just the cherry on the top of his sadness. He sits alone in his car, it's not even noon yet, and his day has already turned to shit.

He opens his phone to text Poe, giving him the news of himself and Bazine, if only to smile at the fact that Poe’s proposal rumors were being put to an end. 

He texts Rey, because fuck it - he needed his best friend, even if she was part of his heartbreak. If he could talk to her, maybe he could pretend it was about Bazine. 

He puts his phone in his pocket before driving home, and decides a nap would do him some good. If only to escape the shitty world that the day had brought.

When he wakes up at 4pm it’s to a text from Rey.   
Rey: Are you okay?  
Rey: Do you want to come over?  
Rey: Hello?

He replies back swiftly that he is on his way, hoping he wasn't making a huge mistake.


	4. All I Ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Welp this is it y'all.   
They finally confront their feelings!

She didn’t expect to see a text from Ben when her phone vibrated, but the message was from him. He had broken up with Bazine, and every part of her anger wore away just like that, and she jumped back into her duty as best friend, inviting him over for pizza and beer.

When Ben shows up at her door looking as beautiful as ever, she feels slightly embarrassed to be sitting around in her pajamas, she’s not sure why though, Ben has never made her feel guilty for not dressing up.

“Come on inside! I ordered pizza and I have alcohol,” she gave him her best smile, hoping to help ease some of the heartbreak that Bazine, the woman that Poe said he was going to marry, had caused him. 

The night should have been easy from that point on, they have always been able to sit in a comfortable silence. But tonight felt different. Ben seemed to be lost in thought. 

After a few minutes of silence, it is Ben that first suggests they play a game, perhaps to help ease whatever thoughts he had been having. 

“I have monopoly?” She replied with one of the only games she knew they had in the house. 

“No no no, let’s play a drinking game. I just kind of want to forget…” Ben said, in a sad tone. 

“Um, lets see if we have shot glasses and we could play truth or Dare, I guess?” she suggests tentatively, watching to gauge his response

A wicked grin spreads across his face, “Perfect.”

The first few rounds feel tame - they are your basic questions and dares. It almost felt adolescent; who was your childhood crush? I dare you to call ex (excluding Bazine, he refuses and drinks), several rounds and a couple of shots later, she is happily buzzed, though Ben might be heading past that point. Everything feels like its comes to a head when it is Ben’s turn to ask her truth or dare. His eyes were intense, and Rey was feeling intimidated by the heat in his gaze as she answers “Truth.” 

“Why did you leave? Last year.” He looks genuinely curious, and maybe a bit bitter.

She blanches at the question, she had been hoping that he wouldn’t ask. She chooses to drink again, and rather than continue playing he gets up and makes a move towards the door.

No. No. No He’s walking away, I have to stop him, her voice screams loudly in her head, and the room suddenly felt heavy and intense.

“Truth or dare?” She gave him a weak smile, hoping to ease some of anxiety.

“Dare,” his voice was quiet as he turned to take a step toward her, and then another step, his eyes intense. The closer he got to her the thicker the air felt, she could feel a blush run across her body. 

This was it, this was her moment, and she swallows hard, her mouth suddenly feeling dry, “I dare you to kiss me.”

And suddenly every ounce of tension between them was released. His lips found hers almost immediately and crashed against her so quickly it nearly knocked the breath out of her. She had never been kissed like this. Every part of her being had felt hot, the whole world slipped away as she felt his hands roam her body. 

“Please,” she begged against his lips, tangling her hands into his thick black mane, her body pushing against his.

Making their way to her room from the entrance of her home proved to be difficult when neither party wanted to pull away. Settling for the first wall he bumped into he lifted her petite body and she wrapped her legs around his waist.

Her body ached with lust, as he rotated them so her back was pressed into the wall. 

“I’ve wanted this from the moment I saw you come through that door,” he breathed as he kissed his way down her neck and shoulders.

A sudden boost of confidence seemed to take over Rey, and she began to lift the hem of his shirt. 

“Off. Now.” His shirt hits the floor as she tries to make quick work of the belt between her legs.

Click 

The sound of Finn and Rose’s door opening was like a bucket of ice water being poured over them. 

“Fuck, the living room might not have been the best place for this.” She can tell he is trying to keep his voice low, as she is trying to subdue the laughter bubbling in her chest. 

Before she can even think of what to do next she is being lifted off her feet and carried down the hall toward her side of the house. Kissing, lots of kissing as he walks them to her room. Their breathing is heavy and uneven as they fight for dominance. She feels like she has been electrified and he has her blood singing his name. 

Every thought in her head is consumed by him in a new and exciting way. He pivots his body so he can push her body up against the wood of her door, sloppily kissing his way across her neck and collarbone. With every touch, every kiss it fuels her more and more. She felt him everywhere all at once as his hands roamed her body clumsily. 

She was high on him, but Ben. Ben was drunk and sad. No, she couldn’t do this. This wasn't going to be how this happened. She refused to take advantage of this situation. 

“Ben, stop. I can’t do this. Not like this. Please put me down,” he looks confused, but obliges. 

She pushes on his chest gently in an effort to move him away from her, “You can take the bed, I'm going to sleep this off on the couch.” 

He sits down on the edge of her bed as she reaches for her door knob. “Is this because of Poe?” his voice is soft. He’s looking up at her, a sad inquisitive look in his eyes.

“Poe? What? No, Poe has nothing to do with any of this?” She asks, trying her best to keep track of what was happening.

“But you’re dating him?” She can hear some kind of sadness in his voice.

She laughs, a full body laugh. “I am not dating Poe.” she explains.

“Wait. You, you aren’t dating Poe?” She could hear the slightest bit of confusion in the slur of his voice.

“No, Ben, I’m not. I was just so upset that I let him lie to you, I’m sorry for that. But this can’t happen. You’re drunk, and you’re sad about your break up with Bazine. I can’t take advantage of a situation like that. No matter how much I would love this. And I know this might be my only chance with you, but I love you too much to be your drunken regret-” 

Her rambling was ceased when he stands, and his lips were on hers. Her monologue is cut off by his mouth on hers. It is soft and sweet. She couldn’t even take her next breath to continue her list of reasons on why this was a bad idea.

She placed her hand on his chest and pushed him gently back down to the mattress once more. “Ben. Please, I can’t be your one night stand.”

He stared at her, his eyes soft, “You love me?”

She realizes now that in her haste she had confessed her feelings in an attempt to protect him from making a bad decision as sloppy rebound sex. There was no going back now. 

“Yes, I-I do.”

And then he was kissing her again, she laughed at his determination. “You have to stop doing that.”

“I love you, Rey. Bazine broke up with me because I was still in love with you, I was so heartbroken because I thought you were with Poe.” His eyes are pleading, and he is breathing hard. “ Please, this has nothing to do with her, it’s only ever been you. Now please, will you let me fucking kiss you?”

With his confession she closes the space between them, wrapping her arms around his neck so her body is flush against his.

“You love me.” She whispers with a smile before taking claim of his lips.

She pressed herself against him, until his body was back down against the mattress, and she is straddled his waist. Rey moans when his tongue traces her lower lip, demanding entrance into her mouth. The kiss feels impossibly slow, as they take in every detail of each other. Their hands are wandering over the others body, and she was willing this moment to last forever. 

They finally break away from the kiss, and staring down at him she apologizes. “I’m sorry, for leaving that night, and for everything since.”

“Rey. It’s fine, we can talk about it later. Right now we are here and I’m not letting you go.” 

He kisses her again, more forceful than before, and she grinds her hips down on his, trying to get some sort of friction. Moaning as her body aches with lust.

“Ben, please, I need you.” She moans, grinding on his hardening cock for more delicious friction. She can hear him growl, a low sound that sends a jolt straight to her core.

Rey reaches for the hem of her too large top, a sweater she is sure was his. “We should match, don't you think?” 

“Rey, God, you are so fucking beautiful,” his eyes wander across her bra clad top, “I wanna fill you up,” he groans into her mouth.

He flips them over, his body now covering her own. He looms over her before he takes off his pants, not having to waste a moment on the belt Rey had unfastened minutes earlier. Leaving himself clad in just his tenting boxers, not leaving much to the imagination. To the delight of Rey, she gasps when she can see just how hard and thick he was.  
Rey reaches for the middle of her front clasping bra, hesitating there for a moment. Then Ben is kissing her again, unclasping the bra for her. 

“You are so perfect, just beautiful.”

His kisses move to her cheek, and then they begin dragging down her neck, feeling him nip at the flesh of her clavicle. His mouth continues to travel at a leisurely pace before taking a nipple into her mouth.   
She grinds against him again, “Ben! Please.” With each swipe of his tongue against the tightening bud. 

“Please? Please what Rey, you're going to have to be specific,” he teases her with a fiendish smirk before kissing down her abdomen until he finds the waist of her pajama bottoms before hooking his thumb and pulling them down her legs, leaving her exposed in her boy shorts and bra.

“Ben, touch me, please.” A moan escapes her throat when she feels his fingers dance across the trim of her panties.

“Fuck, you’re so wet.” He traces the wet spot that’s growing between her legs, “Oh sweet Rey, Is this all for me?” Rey whimpers as Ben pulls down her panties, Rey lifting her hips to help them come off easier.

“Can I taste you? You look mouthwatering, Rey.”

Rey could only nod before he descended on her, placing his hands on her hips to hold her in place, while Rey grips at his luscious black locks. His mouth is everywhere, taking small nips at her inner thigh before he finds her clit, flattening his tongue against her wet slit. 

“Fuck! Ben!” She bucks her hips against his plush lips.

“Baby, you taste so sweet, so perfect. My perfect Rey,” he groaned against her. 

Rey groans when Ben slides one thick finger into her, and then another one. She felt so full already, and she knew based off the impressive sight in his underwear she needed the preparation he was giving her. Between Ben’s mouth devouring her, his mouth focusing on her sensitive nub, and his long thick fingers hitting that exquisite spot inside of her, it wasn't long until she felt the familiar build in her lower belly. 

“Oh my god, BEN. I’m gonna come! Fuck,” She cried out, tugging at his hair, trying to find a way to tether herself.

Ben hummed against her clit, “Come on, Rey. Come for me, baby.” Ben started curling his fingers even deeper into her, taking her clit between his lips and sucking hard. Her climax was instantaneous between the duel stimulation and his encouragement. He continued to fuck her with his fingers through her orgasm. 

“You are so sweet, Rey,” Ben murmurs as he kisses his way back up her abdomen before pulling her in for a deep kiss, sending a new wave of pleasure to her core.

“I want to be inside you. Can I do that, Rey?” he implored against the skin of her shoulder.

“Yes, Ben, please. Take me,” she sobbed, not recognizing her own voice.

Ben hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down and exposing his weeping cock. He was bigger than the boxers had let on, she felt her mouth begin to water at the idea of him inside her. Filling her in ways she could only imagine. 

Ben, her Ben.

Ben must have caught her staring. “Are you alright?” Ben focused on her, “Is this still alright?”

“This is perfect, Ben. I love you. It just, well you’re so big,” Rey explained. “Was just taking it all in.” 

Ben nodded, “I love you too, Rey. I love you so fucking much.” 

He kissed her as he lined up with her entrance before slowly easing in until he was completely sheathed by her. 

“Fuck, Rey! You’re so fucking wet, god and so tight. FUCK!” exclamation coming out more of a roar.

Rey cried out at the sensation of being so full before encouraging him to move, rocking her hips against his. Ben let out a groan at the motion, pulling out and thrusting back in quickly. Starting a disciplined pace. She could feel the sensation of another orgasm building when his hand slid between them to stroke at her sensitive nub once more.

“Gods,” she begged “More, Please.”

“Yes, Yes. Anything for you Rey. So perfect.”

“Ben. Ben.” She pants, “You feel so good!”

Ben’s thrusts become faster and vigorous, with every intent to hit that perfect spot to send her over the edge. 

“Just like that! Yes, Ben! Don’t stop, Right there!” she babbles almost incoherently.

“Rey, yes baby, come for me! Come on my cock. ”

Rey came with Ben’s name on her lips, her orgasm taking over her senses, she could feel her walls contracting around his thick cock. “Ben. Ben. Ben. I love you.” 

“Rey!!” Ben roared as he spilled into her.

He bent down to kiss her gently, “That was absolutely amazing, Rey. You’re so fucking beautiful.”

Rey smiled against his kiss. “I love you, Ben.”

“I love you too, Rey”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I will be updating this one as often as possible since I have a good percentage of it written.  
Thank you @MyJediLife for being my beta and taking care of my horrendous grammar!


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